i would punch a child for taco bell
Say something about gay babies.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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