Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
