She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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