Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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