I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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