someone get that fucking seahorse.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
