Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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