He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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