I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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