just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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