literally had 100 drinks last night.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
