Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
