please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
