She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
