Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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