i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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