I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
