there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize