I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
