if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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