And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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