do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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