I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
