btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
