so explain again why im purple
no
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
