just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
