**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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