i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
