I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
