Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
