I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
