god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
