I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish my penis had a tongue
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So much rum. So many feels.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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