her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
