its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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