their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
