you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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