i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
