when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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