so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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