Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
