Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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