Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
