I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
