i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
PANTIES FOUND
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