Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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