omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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