Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
