Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
