This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
