plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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