saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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