Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
