I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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