new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Be still, my beating vagina.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
