I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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