You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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