Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
