I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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