I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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