we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
