He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
