its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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