You're so nebulous sometimes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you never un-have a 4some
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
