OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
