i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
