I think my vagina is haunted
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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