cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
