Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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