I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
