SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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