THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
