I wanna passion pit in your ass
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
