doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
