i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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