i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Houston, we have a squirter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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