I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
