I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
