yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
