All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
