Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
