And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
