friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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