I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
