The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
