Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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