sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
