I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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