Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
