I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
