rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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