nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
