at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
