Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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