Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
